Wilton, North Dakota, May 2007

Tuscaloosa, AL April 2007

Exclusive! What Vanity Fair DIDN'T Publish!

February 21, 1986

I ate some jelly beans today. They were mighty tasty. Whatever happened to that monkey I used to know? Why do I live in this big house? I sure do love me some jellybeans.

February 22, 1986

Someone is breaking into my secret drawer and writing in my diary. But it seems he likes jellybeans too! And maybe he knows something about that monkey’s whereabouts? I wonder how I can find out how he’s getting into my drawer. Maybe he has some jellybeans.

February 23, 1986…or is it 1952?

I thought I found that monkey today, wearing a red dress. But it was just that lady who keeps following me around asking if I’m feeling alright. She kinda looks like that cartoon I was watching earlier, that mean skeleton-lookin’ fella. I wonder if she has any jellybeans.

March…oh hell I don’t remember

There’s a boring fella I’ve been meaning to ask the name of. Sits around in that office all day, can’t figure out the meaning of it. He never has any damn jellybeans either. Talking with that woman all the time. Gotta find some way to keep the jellybeans from sticking in my dentures.

Later that day

I never remember California having so many damn cherry trees. And those fellas in the black suits only have those nasty licorice-flavored jelly beans. I don’t like those kind.

April 30, 1986

I ate some jelly beans today. They were mighty tasty. Whatever happened to that monkey I used to know? Why do I live in this big house? I sure do love me some jellybeans.